This year I resolve….
Ahhhh yes…. that time of year for reassessment again. The old year with it’s victories – and failures – is now officially “The Past”. The New Year brings with it so many potential adventures, possibilities, people to meet, words to write, paintings to create, dreams to fulfill….. Dreams….YES. I want to DREAM again. I won’t quit smoking… been there.. did that. I won’t drink less alcohol… I already don’t drink any. Won’t resolve to eat less or better… I did that already too. What I WILL do is allow myself to dream.
I, like so many others who have beaten cancer, couldn’t allow myself that luxury for so long. I was too busy fighting for my life and then figuring out what I didn’t want… Cancer gave me permission in my own head to say NO and so I made some HUGE changes. NO to cancer and death and despair…NO to the horrible relationship that I was in…. NO to a job that killed off part of my soul every day… NO to a place I didn’t like living… NO to someone else making all the decisions ….and somewhere along the line I didn’t know what to dream of or for…. or maybe even how to dream….any more.
So, this year I will dream… and create… and build a new life centered on… me. I don’t mean becoming self-centered…. but centered in myself. I am beyond grateful to actually still have a life… and now I want to honor that by being my own North Star… I resolve to value my own opinion and to trust my own judgment and be much nicer to me. I don’t mean by self-indulgence, but by remembering my value as a human person, and taking better care of me. I want to write, paint, skate, cook, fall in love, listen to music that is just a tiny bit too loud, play, work, hug, praise, smile, giggle and laugh out loud, enjoy the sunrise, walk the beach listening to the waves, and gather up every single ounce of joy that each day offers. Dream more and worry less…. and figure out why I am still here.